3 Ways to Nurture Positive Student Behavior

A few years ago, I had a conversation with a student that changed the way I thought about behavior. Like most teachers and administrators, I’d seen the pattern before. A student was frequently in trouble, and there were repeated reminders, phone calls home, consequences, and conversations about what needed to change. In short, the negative behaviors were getting a lot of attention, but once we stopped focusing on the behaviors long enough to ask, “What are we missing about this child?” we saw a shift for the better. It’s important for us to remember that even though behavior is often the part of a student we see first, it’s never a student’s entire story.

When students struggle to regulate their emotions or are disruptive, withdrawn, or defiant, it’s easy for adults in the building to immediately focus on stopping the behavior. We definitely need to address the behaviors because students need to learn boundaries, but in my experience, if we only focus on correcting what a student does, we may miss an opportunity to understand why they are doing it and what might help them succeed in the future.

These three strategies have helped me and the teachers I’ve worked with look beyond behaviors to more fully understand our students.

1. Look for the Student Beyond the Behavior

When a student is struggling, I encourage the teachers who care for them to become curious about the student before reacting. That means asking questions like, “What do I know about this child?” “What are they good at?” “Who do they connect with?” and “When do they seem most confident?” Sometimes, the answers to those questions can completely change the way we respond.

I worked with a student who was having difficulty throughout the school day, particularly during independent work time. When conferring with his teachers, we could easily list the behaviors we wanted to change. Yet, when we talked with the student and discovered more about his strengths and interests, we learned something important: He loved drawing and was incredibly creative.

That knowledge gave us another way to connect with him. Instead of every interaction beginning with a correction, we gave him art materials and a journal to keep in his desk to use after he completed his independent work. Additionally, whenever he needed a moment to process his feelings appropriately, we gave him five minutes to draw and express how he was feeling before we intervened. Over time, those opportunities helped shift our relationship in a positive direction. We no longer saw him as a child who was struggling… he was an artist, a creator, and someone who was learning how to regulate his emotions through art.

This doesn’t mean that his challenging behavior suddenly stopped; it means our relationship with him changed for the better, and that’s what matters the most. For educators who want to build relationships with struggling students, it can be as simple as making a commitment to learn a few new things about them. Ask them about their interests, watch what they choose to do during free time, and find out what they are proud of. There are a number of ways to put this into practice in your classroom to boost and sustain relationships with your students. 

2. Find the Exceptions

We’re often very good at documenting when challenging behavior happens, but I’ve found that we can also learn a great deal by paying attention to when the behavior doesn’t happen. I encourage teachers and leaders to ask, “When is this student successful during the school day?” “Who are the preferred trusted adults and/or peers, and what is the student doing?”

I remember talking with our team about another student who was having difficulty. Instead of only reviewing her challenging moments, we began to look for the exceptions to identify when she was successful. We noticed that there were certain times when she was engaged, regulated, and successful, particularly during science investigations. She responded well to hands-on learning, and there was a trusted adult, one of our paraeducators, with whom she had built a strong connection. Those observations gave us several important clues.

Rather than only asking, “How do we stop the behavior?” we should also ask, “How can we create more of the conditions where this student is already successful?” This shift in thinking is important, and it requires teachers and administrators to slow down a bit and reflect. If a student struggles during independent work but thrives during group work, we should consider more opportunities for peer-to-peer learning. If a student has difficulty during transitions but is successful when they know what’s coming next, that student can likely benefit from a task chart or daily schedule posted on their desk. If one teacher consistently gets a different response than everyone else, we should be curious about that too and ask that staff member what strategies work best with the student. The exceptions aren’t accidents. They can help us identify strengths, supports, relationships, and conditions that we can build upon.

3. Maintain High Expectations

Looking beyond behavior doesn’t mean lowering expectations or excusing harmful choices. In fact, I believe students deserve adults who do two crucial things at the same time: hold them accountable and refuse to give up on them. When addressing a student’s behavior, it’s best if administrators and teachers aim to focus on the behavior itself, without tying it directly to the child’s self‑value or worth. 

Instead of saying, “You make a lot of poor choices,” we can say, “This choice didn’t meet our classroom expectations, but I know you can make a better one.” Instead of “Why can’t you just behave?” we may choose to say, “I can see that you’re having a hard time right now. Let’s figure out what happened and what you can do differently next time.” Often, a student just needs to hear, “I know what you’re capable of, and I’m not going to give up on you.”

As educators, we have an enormous amount of influence over how our students see themselves. If most of our interactions reinforce that a student is a problem, they may eventually start to believe it. However, when we consistently communicate “Your behavior can improve, and we still believe in you,” we preserve our relationship with them while keeping expectations high. This is the balance I hope we will strive for.

While some students who demonstrate significantly challenging behaviors may need intervention beyond the strategies shared, I can confidently say that when students trust the adults around them and know they are seen as more than their behavior, they’re more likely to understand their strengths and see the possibilities for their future. We know that children will make mistakes and have difficult days. So, before we allow their most challenging moments to define them, we have an opportunity to pause and ask, “Who is the student beyond the behavior, and what can we discover if we take the time to know them better?”